Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life

Your teen has asked to be picked up from school early again, and you already know why: they spent lunch hiding in the bathroom, and now they’re dreading tomorrow before today is even over. You’re heartbroken watching your teen hurt, and then the second-guessing kicks in: is rescuing your teen helping, or is it actually making things harder? That’s an exhausting place to be, and it makes sense when parents get there. Here’s the thing: teens are often dealing with real adolescent social worries, but avoidance makes anxiety worse. Every early pickup brings instant relief and takes away a chance to practice facing our fears, so going to school feels even scarier the next time. Dr. Meredith Elkins walks us through how to tell a painful-but-normal rough patch from clinical anxiety that takes over a teen’s life (hint: look at distress, duration, and how much it’s getting in the way). And no, you don’t need your teen to sit down with a therapist tomorrow to fix the situation. We talk about getting guidance from…

A lot of us grew up believing the hard way is the better way, so when our kids struggle (or we do), we assume that the answer is to exert more effort. That can leave you feeling like you’re failing at something you “should” be able to power through. Wearing yourself out trying to push a tween or teen toward better habits is one of the most common, and most exhausting, parts of parenting. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. Even world-class athletes don’t achieve their goals on willpower alone. Psychologist Angela Duckworth, who has spent her career studying grit, explains that they set up their surroundings to make the work easier. Teens are especially attuned to the norms around them, so the school, peers, and neighborhood can play a powerful role in shaping their behavior . That means you have more say than you think. Dr. Lisa and Angela talk about doing what you can to shape the environment around your teen and why working to create contexts that make hard work easier to do is smart, not lazy. Consider…

Your seventh grader walks in the door in tears because the group chat just made it painfully clear she’s being pushed out (this time, over Halloween costumes), and now you're wondering whether to coach her on what to say or stay quiet so you don't make it worse. Here’s the good news: this is a typical - if painful - experience in middle school and early high school. Friendships and social standing get reshuffled as kids test out independence and figure out where they belong. At the same time, the pause-and-think skills that can help them handle tricky group dynamics are still under construction (and it doesn’t help that the group chat moves fast!). Dr. Tori Cordiano walks us through why costume conflict can feel so painful and why it’s often a window into bigger social shifts. You'll come away with guidance on how to offer effective support: from taking the hurt seriously, to asking if your teen wants to vent or problem-solve, to helping your teen figure out next steps. This is also a perfect moment to help…

You're thinking about signing your kid up for a travel-heavy club team with a price tag that makes you wince - and a co-parent who sees the whole thing differently. Might saying yes to club sports support your talented kid while undermining the rest of family life? It's a miserable spot to be in. We don’t want to hold our kids back, but we also worry about what club sports might cost our families in terms of time, money, and togetherness. The good news: our kids are still figuring out who they are, what they’re good at, and what they love. Their enjoyment and motivation matter far more than locking into one path early, and that gives you more room than the sports world tends to admit. Three-time Olympian and mom of three Lauren Regula joins Lisa to talk about how her family has handled the challenges that come with today’s youth sports landscape. You'll learn how to figure out what level of play fits your kid and your family, how to set boundaries before the sports schedule takes over your calendar, and how…

Right now, a lot of families are thinking about how to talk with their kids — especially their sons — about consent and how sexual partners deserve to be treated. And if you find something graphic on your teen's screen, you face another challenging question: what is this actually teaching my teen, and is it already too late to do something about it? Here's what makes this conversation more important than ever: according to Common Sense Media, 73% of U.S. teens have seen online pornography by age 17 — boys and girls encounter it at nearly the same rate, but boys are considerably more likely to go looking for it on purpose, and most teens who do seek it out are watching at least weekly. This isn't a rare or fringe exposure. It's closer to a near-universal one, and repeated viewing can genuinely shape what a teen thinks sex, desire, and respect are supposed to look like, often before they've had much–if any–real-world experience to compare it to. Dr. Tori Cordiano leads us through why compulsive porn use in…

Your sobbing middle schooler has just seen a Snapchat of their friend group hanging out without them and feels devastated …and you have no idea whether you should call the other parents, try to help your child cheer up, or just stay out of it. Watching kids be excluded by friends they’ve had for years often leaves parents feeling bewildered, upset, helpless - or all of the above. Feeling angry on your kid’s behalf and wanting to rush to the rescue are completely understandable reactions. But you’ll want to take a beat and listen to this episode before acting. Michelle Icard joins us today to break down how tweens going through social exclusion at school are usually just testing out new friends and identities. Old friendships don't always grow at the same pace and some kids get left out in the process. Your job isn't to engineer the friendship back together. It's to tend to your own feelings (perhaps hitting the gym, talking with a friend, or consulting with a clinician), then sit with your kid and ask what…

Perhaps your kid has left college before graduation and seems to be drifting along. Or maybe your high school student doesn’t seem to be “lit up” about anything. If this is your teen, every well-meaning "how's your kid doing?" from a friend can feel like it’s poking at an emotional bruise. Are you worrying too much, or is this actually a problem? Is your kid “failing to launch” or have they simply hit a rough patch? While the answer may not be clear, one thing is: you’re not the only parent losing sleep about it. In this episode Dr. Mark McConville walks us through what's actually going on with unmotivated adolescents, underachieving young adults, and kids with ADHD who often struggle to adjust to systems that don’t celebrate their strengths. You'll walk away with a fresh take on how to think about your next conversation — from setting boundaries with a young adult who has returned home to supporting a teen with ADHD who's lost motivation for school. It’s not about fixing your kid, but about working with…

Your kid announces they’re cutting out sugar. No cookies or dessert, just carrots and hummus for lunch on repeat. You notice they’ve lost a little weight. And somewhere in the back of your mind, a voice keeps asking: is this fine, or is this not fine? Are you being anxious, or are you being appropriately worried? That in-between space is exhausting. If that’s where you are right now, you’re not overreacting, and you’re not alone. Dr. Kelly Bhatnagar walks us through what actually separates a “healthy eating” phase from something worth a closer look — and why the kids who need the most support are often the ones who feel, to themselves, the most in control. You’ll walk away with a simple framework for bringing this up with your kid — one that doesn't require perfect timing or the perfect words. Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Dr. Kelly Bhatnagar is a…

You may know this scene: your kid forgot practice gear again, an assignment vanished into the void, and you're wondering if your teen is just disorganized — or is there something more serious going on? That mix of exhaustion and frustration is real. Chasing lost details, worrying that you may have dropped the ball, wondering if you're overreacting to normal middle school or high school organization struggles, or missing something bigger — you're allowed to feel all of that without it meaning you're failing anyone. Here's some good news: the part of the brain that handles executive functioning is still under construction all through high school and doesn't fully come online until your kid reaches their mid-20s. So a teen who can't stay organized, forgets homework, or misses details isn't revealing a character flaw. It's a work-in-progress brain doing exactly what a work-in-progress brain does. Today's guest, Dr. Tori Cordiano, walks us through how to lower the bar on what counts as "normal," and build a few…

If you've ever wondered whether you're doing enough to help your child feel good about themselves, Dr. Lisa Damour has curated her most essential guidance on confidence, self-esteem & self-compassion into one episode for you. This encore “Best of Ask Lisa” compilation offers a research-backed roadmap for raising kids with a solid sense of self-worth — and for parents who want to model that from the inside out. This episode also features conversations with three leading experts: Dr. Tovah Klein, Dr. Sue Varma, and Dr. Traci Baxley. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why kids' confidence naturally dips at predictable points in development, and why those wobbles are not a sign that you've failed - Why self-esteem needs many "tributaries", and why kids who rely on a single source of self-worth are most vulnerable when that tributary runs dry - How confidence is built through doing hard things and being someone who can be counted on (and how to help kids get there without being pushed) - Why what you say about yourself in front…

The college admissions process doesn't have to consume your family. If it already feels that way, this episode is exactly what you need. Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan revisit their conversation with Rick Clark, higher education leader, co-author of “The Truth About College Admission: A Family Guide to Getting In and Staying Together,” and a career insider in college admissions at Georgia Tech. Rick has spent years helping families cut through the noise, anxiety, and mythology of the admissions process, and his perspective is grounding and genuinely reassuring. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why there is no magic formula for college admissions, and why that's actually good news for your teen - What a strong college essay actually looks like — and the one mistake that sinks more applications than any other - How to structure college conversations so they don't bleed into every carpool and dinner, protecting your relationship and your sanity through the process - Why "test optional" means something different at every…

If you've repeatedly asked your kid to help out and they still don’t follow through, this is the episode you’ve been waiting for. Dr. Lisa Damour breaks down why nagging doesn't build a work ethic — and what actually does. From linking privileges to responsibilities, to knowing exactly when to step back and let natural consequences do the teaching, this encore episode gives parents of tweens and teens a practical, guilt-free framework for raising kids who can be counted on, without turning every chore or assignment into a battle. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why structure matters more than warmth alone, and why holding the line on chores, even when kids are grumpy, is the right call - Why extrinsic motivation is perfectly valid, and how linking responsibilities to privileges mirrors the way the real world actually works - Why "complain but comply" is a completely reasonable goal, and how releasing the expectation of cheerful enthusiasm takes pressure off everyone - When to stop nagging about schoolwork and let natural…

You know screens and social media can be risky for your kid. But do you know exactly what harm looks like… and what actually protects them from it? Dr. Lisa Damour revisits her conversation with Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, pioneering pediatrician, author, and California's first Surgeon General, recorded live at the Common Sense Summit on Kids and Families. A globally recognized expert on Adverse Childhood Experiences and toxic stress, Dr. Burke Harris has spent her career studying what harms children and what heals them. Her answer to the screen time crisis might surprise you: the most powerful protection isn't stricter screen time rules; it's your relationship with your child. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why a strong, connected relationship with a caregiver is the single most powerful buffer against the harms of toxic online content and manipulative algorithms - How to invite your kid to share disturbing things they've seen online (and the specific language that keeps that door open) - Why teaching kids to see the…

Your kid comes home devastated after being left out, dropped, or caught in the middle of a friendship blowup. You may want to help, but don’t know what to say—or whether you should step in at all. Take heart: this episode will help you navigate the situation with confidence. In this encore “Best of Ask Lisa” compilation, Dr. Lisa Damour has curated her most essential guidance on friendship conflict, bullying, and social drama — the stuff that can make the tween and teen years so painful for kids and so hard to watch as a parent. Whether your child is being targeted by peers, doing the excluding, or trying to navigate a friendship that's run its course, you'll walk away knowing exactly what to say and how to help them through it with calm, clarity, and compassion. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - The crucial difference between bullying and conflict, and why getting this distinction right will change how you respond - Why middle schoolers are so prone to cruelty, and how anxiety about belonging makes meanness a fast track to…

If mealtimes in your home feel like a power struggle, or you're exhausted from worrying whether your kid is eating well, this episode will come as a relief. Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan revisit their conversation with Dr. Reshma Shah, a Stanford-affiliated pediatrician, public health expert, and co-author of the award-winning book “Nourish: The Definitive Plant-Based Nutrition Guide for Families.” With over 20 years of experience in academic and clinical pediatrics and a deep commitment to family-centered approaches to food and wellbeing, Dr. Shah offers a low-pressure, evidence-based roadmap for helping kids develop a healthy relationship with food. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why what you model at the table matters far more than what you say, and how your own relationship with food shapes your child's more than you realize - Why "clean your plate" rules and other tension-raising practices can backfire (and what a low-stress mealtime actually looks like in practice) - How the language you use around food shapes…

If your son is shutting down, pulling away, or turning to the internet to answer questions you wish he'd brought your way, this episode is for you. Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan revisit their conversation with Joanna Schroeder and Christopher Pepper, co-authors of the book “Talk to Your Boys,” to cut through the noise about boys, masculinity, and what's actually happening inside the minds of tween and teen sons.. Joanna brings her background in gender studies and years as Executive Editor of The Good Men Project. Christopher has spent his career as an award-winning health educator teaching thousands of students about emotions, relationships, and healthy masculinity. Together, they share what years of research and real conversations with boys have taught them — and their findings might surprise you. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why boys suppress their emotions to fit in, and how that loneliness and disconnection quietly builds over time - The specific strategies that actually get boys to open up — from the questions…

Is your family stressed, anxious, and fixated on getting your teen into a "dream school"? What if that's the wrong goal entirely? Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan revisit their conversation with Jeff Selingo, bestselling author and higher education expert, to reframe the process of searching for the “right” college. After more than 25 years of studying what actually helps students thrive in college, Jeff has a finding that may surprise you: it’s not where your teen goes to college that matters most—it’s how they engage once they’re there. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why attending the most prestigious colleges doesn’t guarantee better outcomes - Why belonging matters more than brand name — and what to actually look for when evaluating campus culture, mentorship, and fit - How to have honest, early conversations about college costs, and why financial fit deserves just as much attention as academic fit - Why the college search should be about your individual teen, not community expectations or rankings (and how to tune…

If you feel like you're doing too much for your kids — and it’s time for them to do more for themselves — this episode is your roadmap out. Dr. Lisa Damour makes the case for using summer to foster independence in our kids. The summer months provide the perfect window to hand off real responsibilities to your tween or teen in a way that actually sticks. From laundry to cooking dinner to managing their own appointments, this encore episode gives you a practical, step-by-step approach to raising a more capable kid. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why summer is the single best time of year to teach independence — and how to take advantage of the slower pace before fall routines kick back in - The four-step sequence for handing off any task — and how to adjust if your kid gets overwhelmed - Why independence is just as good for kids as it is for parents — and how being genuinely counted on builds competence, purpose, and mental health - How to respond to pushback and resistance without turning every chore into a negotiation -…

Does your teen seem more attached to their friends and their phone than to you? That's not just a feeling, and it's not a phase you have to wait out. Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan revisit their conversation with two of the world's leading experts on child development, globally renowned physician and author Dr. Gabor Maté, and developmental psychologist and author Dr. Gordon Neufeld, to address how parents can stay connected to their teens, even as they spread their wings. This is one of our most-watched episodes ever on YouTube, and we think you'll understand why. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why "healthy teenage rebellion" is mostly a myth — and what's actually happening when your teen pulls toward peers and away from you - Why love and good intentions aren't enough on their own — and why a strong attachment bond is the only real delivery system for your care and influence - How to read behavior problems as relationship problems — and why changing the relationship, not just the behavior, is where real progress…

If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD (or you suspect they might have it) this episode will change the way you see them. Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan revisit their candid, funny, and genuinely moving conversation with Penn and Kim Holderness — viral content creators, bestselling authors, podcasters, and authors of “ADHD is Awesome: A Guide to (Mostly) Thriving With ADHD.” Together, they strip away the shame, explain what it really feels like to have ADHD, and give parents a practical, strengths-based roadmap for helping their kids thrive at home and at school. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why shame about having ADHD can be more damaging than the ADHD itself — and how to talk with your child about their diagnosis from a place of love, not frustration - How ADHD can actually be a strength, and why its "abundance of attention" can fuel creativity, originality, and problem-solving when properly supported - Why medication alone isn't enough — and the systems, routines, and relationships that make the real difference…

If watching "Adolescence" on Netflix left you feeling worried about your son, this episode will help you turn your concerns into action. Dr. Lisa Damour breaks down what the show gets exactly right about adolescent boys: why they're emotionally constrained by culture, how that vulnerability gets exploited by toxic online figures like Andrew Tate, and what parents can do right now to connect with their sons. This is our most-watched episode ever on YouTube — and we think you'll understand why. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why boys are often only "allowed" to express anger and pleasure at others’ expense - How feelings of inferiority in middle school can make boys uniquely vulnerable to toxic influencers who offer them a shortcut to feeling powerful - Why modeling emotional honesty is one of the most protective things a father can do — and why moms alone can't close this gap - How toxic and misogynistic content finds boys through algorithms, even when kids aren't looking for it — and the concrete steps parents can take…

If your child has just come out to you — or you sense they might be questioning their gender identity — you may be wondering what to say, what to do, and how to get this right. This episode is here to help. Dr. Lisa Damour walks parents through one of the most important conversations of adolescence: how to respond when your tween or teen comes out as gay, lesbian, or bi, or expresses a non-traditional gender identity. From what to say in that first moment, to navigating sleepovers, sex, family disclosure, and community attitudes, this episode gives you a clear, compassionate roadmap so you don't have to guess your way through it. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why your first response matters so much, and the exact words that protect your relationship and your child's trust - How to handle the complicated question of whether to tell your other parent or keep your child's confidence - How to set sleepover and dating boundaries that are fair, consistent, and built on trust, regardless of your child's sexual orientation or…

Does your family hit September feeling more exhausted than when summer started? You're not alone — and it doesn't have to be that way. In this episode, Dr. Lisa Damour shares her research-backed S.U.N. framework — Sleep, Unplug, and Nature — a simple, three-part plan for making summer genuinely restorative for your tween or teen (and for you). Whether your family is drowning in screens, running on bad sleep, or spending zero time outdoors, this episode gives you a realistic, concrete roadmap you can actually put on the calendar. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why protecting sleep matters even when summer schedules get loose — and the specific habits that make the biggest difference - How to set tech boundaries that work as a family routine, not just a one-off rule - What the research actually says about nature and why even brief time outdoors reliably restores attention and lowers stress - Why a plan and a conversation are the two things standing between you and a genuinely restorative summer - How to implement S.U.N. in…

Does your tween or teen struggle with low confidence and self-esteem? Do you want to cultivate healthy self-compassion and self-worth in them — and in yourself? In this special "Best of Ask Lisa" compilation, clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and co-host Reena Ninan pull together some of their most powerful conversations on self-esteem, confidence, and self-compassion, covering the full arc of the tween and teen years. Whether your child is drowning in negative self-talk, paralyzed by perfectionism, or just seems to have lost the spark they once had, this episode will help you understand what's normal, what's not, and what actually works. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why confidence naturally dips around ages 5-9 (and why that doesn't mean you've failed as a parent) - Why girls often experience a sharp confidence drop around age 12, and what's really going on for boys during puberty - The "tributaries and the lake" framework for building self-esteem that lasts across a lifetime - How to respond when your kid spirals…

Your teen does everything right. Homework done. Pays attention. Stays organized. Has study skills. And still struggles with tests. ​​Sound familiar? You're not alone, and this is not your kid's fault. In this episode of “Ask Lisa,” clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan dig into one of the most frustrating and confusing problems parents face: the capable, motivated teen who just can't seem to perform on assessments. Drawing on the science of learning and memory, Lisa explains exactly why this happens, what's actually going on in your teen's brain, and how you can help without turning study time into a battleground. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why being great at class has almost nothing to do with being great at tests - Why the transition to high school catches so many teens (especially boys) off guard - The study habits that feel productive but actually don't work (and what to do instead) - A step-by-step approach to starting the study skills conversation with your teen - Why your teen probably won't…

It's prom season, and one mom is facing a tough call: her son wants to go to an unsupervised after-party two hours away. Other parents are saying yes. Her gut is saying no. And her son is saying he'll skip prom entirely if she doesn't let him go. Whether it's prom, spring break, or any other "big night" moment, dilemmas like this one can keep parents up at night. Should you trust your kid, or should you trust your instincts? Dr. Lisa Damour, clinical psychologist and New York Times bestselling author, and Reena Ninan break it all down with the warmth, honesty, and research-backed guidance parents of teens actually need. No judgment. Just real talk about the hard calls parents need to make. This episode is about every high-stakes moment when your teen's desire for fun and independence collides with your responsibility to keep them safe. And it's about knowing, with confidence, that prioritizing safety IS the right call, even when it's the hard one. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why your gut feeling about this isn't…

Loot boxes, in-app purchases, Robux, skins — and a kid who won't stop asking for them. If you're a parent of a tween or teen gamer, you already know this pressure. But are these purchases actually harmful, or are you just out of touch with how gaming works today? In-app purchases are one of the most confusing pressure points for parents of tweens and teens right now. The games are "free to download," but they’re not really free. And when real money turns into Robux or gems, it can disappear fast. In this episode, clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan break down exactly what's going on inside these video games, what parents actually need to worry about, and how to set clear, calm limits without turning every gaming session into a fight. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why "free-to-play" games aren't actually free, and how to explain the business model to your kid in a way that sticks - The difference between cosmetic skins and loot boxes - How virtual currencies like Robux and gems…

In recognition of National Fentanyl Awareness Day, we're bringing back one of our most critical episodes — because every family needs this information. Illicit fentanyl has contaminated the drug landscape and is causing record deaths among young people. How should parents talk with their teens about this fast-moving crisis? What can we say to help keep our kids safe? Dr. Lisa Damour, who serves on the advisory board of Song for Charlie, and Reena Ninan are joined by Ed Ternan and Marcia Lee Taylor of Song for Charlie, the national nonprofit behind National Fentanyl Awareness Day. Ed, who tragically lost his 22-year-old son to a counterfeit prescription pill, and Marcia, former President and CEO of the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids, cover the basics about fentanyl and offer concrete guidance on how to have effective conversations with teens about its dangers. If you've already heard this episode, share it with someone who hasn't. It could save a life. Be sure to check out The New Drug Talk resources…

Your tween won't shower, won't change their clothes, or lies about having brushed their teeth or washed their face...Sound familiar? If you're in the middle of a hygiene battle with your tween or young teen, you're not alone, and you're not failing as a parent. This is one of the most common (and confusing) challenges of early adolescence, especially when basic resistance starts to take the form of sneaking or lying. In this episode, clinical psychologist and New York Times bestselling author Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan unpack what's really driving your tween's hygiene resistance, why the lying is probably not what you think it is, and what you can actually do to move things in the right direction without constant conflict. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why tweens suddenly resist hygiene routines they never had to think about before - How puberty and bodily autonomy are at the heart of the power struggle - Why tweens sometimes lie about this - What to say instead of nagging, checking, or trying to force…

Creatine for teens, supplements for teen athletes, and navigating gym culture pressure on social media… Dr. Lisa Damour answers the question parents of teen athletes are searching for. Your teen's teammate is taking creatine. Now your kid wants it too. Maybe they're a serious athlete with real goals. Maybe you even take supplements yourself. But something still feels… off. This is genuinely a hard call, and you deserve expert guidance on how to start this conversation with your kid. In this episode, clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan dig into one of the fastest-growing pressure points for teen athletes: supplements. From creatine to protein powder to "pre-workout," teens (especially boys) are being flooded with messages about muscle, performance, and products — all through social media, influencers, and even their own teammates. And most of them aren't asking their parents before they start taking them. Dr. Lisa walks you through exactly how to think about this, how to talk…

Your teen got into college. Now comes the harder question: are they actually ready to go? If you're wondering whether they have what it takes to handle a difficult roommate, navigate the college party scene, or make real friends on their own, you're not alone. This is one of the most common, and least talked about, worries parents carry into the summer before college drop-off. In this episode, clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan cut through the anxiety to give you a clear-eyed, compassionate framework for assessing your teen's readiness, and practical steps you can still take right now, even if you're not sure they're there yet. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - The two real indicators of college readiness - How to talk to your teen about roommates, parties, peer pressure, and personal safety - Why smartphones are making social adjustment harder, and what actually helps teens find their people - When it might be wiser to delay college or take a gap year, and how to do it without derailing their…

Wondering how to talk to your teen about relationships and intimacy? Clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour has the research-backed answers.Your teenager is in a relationship, and now you're asking yourself a question you never thought you'd have to answer: Do I allow this in my home? This is a tough topic to face, but avoiding it doesn't protect our kids. Honest, values-based conversation does. Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan unpack what the research actually says about teen intimacy, why your discomfort is valid, and how to respond in a way that reflects your family's values without leaving your teen without guidance. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - What developmental psychology actually says about teens in relationships, and where the real concerns lie - Why your instinct to set boundaries in your own home is not only valid, but worth acting on - What today's data reveals about teen intimacy that will likely surprise you - A simple four-question framework for talking to your teen about healthy, mutual, and safe…

If you're raising a tween or teen in a world of social media, smartphones, and AI, this conversation is for you. How do you protect your kid from the psychological harms of today's digital world (disturbing content, social media, and AI) without pushing them away or damaging the relationship you've worked so hard to build with them? That's the question at the heart of this special episode of Ask Lisa. Live from the Common Sense Summit on Kids and Families, clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour sits down with Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, award-winning physician, researcher, and California's inaugural Surgeon General, for a conversation that will genuinely change how you think about your kid and their devices. Together, they bring decades of clinical expertise and hard-won parenting experience to the questions families are struggling with most right now around tech and their kids. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN - Why what kids see online can rewire their developing nervous systems (and what parents can do about it right now) -…

Your kid just got dropped by their friend group, or they're being left out, iced out, or caught in the middle of middle school friendship drama… and you have no idea what to say. In this “Best of Ask Lisa” compilation, we’ve curated wisdom from clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour on friendship conflict to help parents understand exactly what's happening beneath the surface of tween and teen friend drama and give you the tools to help your kid through it. Whether your child has been dumped by a friend group, is dealing with a mean "friend," or needs help exiting a friendship that isn't working, this “Best of Ask Lisa” episode is for you. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN - The crucial difference between bullying and conflict in middle school, and why it matters for how you respond - Why middle schoolers are so anxious about belonging, and why some kids turn to meanness - Why excluding and rumor-spreading are common weapons in friend group drama - Why kids get excluded from friend groups, and how to explain it to your child in…

Is your teen obsessed with their appearance? Spending hours in front of the mirror, constantly taking selfies, and seeking validation for their looks? In a world where social media turns appearance into currency, building your teen's self-esteem on a stronger foundation has never been more important. In this episode, Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan dig into a letter from a parent whose 14-year-old daughter’s world has started to revolve around how she looks. So when does preoccupation with appearance cross the line into something worth addressing? Dr. Lisa breaks it all down, including what to say, what not to say, and how to gently guide your teen toward a stronger, more grounded sense of self. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - The key sign that tells you appearance focus has gone from typical to concerning - Dr. Lisa’s "lakes and tributaries" framework to build lasting teen self-esteem - How to help your kid see their worth goes far beyond how they look - The four Rs for setting limits around what your teen posts on…

You check your phone and your teen's location is off again. Are they okay? Are they hiding something? …And should you even be tracking them in the first place? In this week's episode, Dr. Lisa and Reena dig into one of the most common standoffs happening in homes with teenagers right now: location sharing. A dad writes in about his 16-year-old son, who has started turning off his location. The kid wants privacy and autonomy. The dad just wants to sleep at night. Who’s right here? 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - What tracking your teen is really about: peace of mind or safety? - What's really going on psychologically when teens turn off their location - How to have an honest, non-combative conversation with your teen about location sharing - Practical compromises that protect your sanity without damaging your relationship We'd love to hear from you: Are you currently tracking your teen? And how are they handling it? ________________ Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents…

If your teen texts "I want to unalive myself" or "kms," should you be worried? The frightening topic of teen suicide is made worse by confusing headlines, evolving slang, and the fear of saying the wrong thing. But here's what you need to know: the research is cautiously hopeful, you have more power than you think, and asking direct questions saves lives. In this essential episode, Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan sit down with Dr. Jonathan B. Singer, one of the country's leading experts on youth suicide prevention to hear what parents need to know right now. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - The real warning signs to watch for - How to ask your child directly about thoughts of self-harm or suicide - The difference between normal sadness and clinical depression - When to seek help - How to use AI tools like ChatGPT safely as a parent resource This is a conversation every parent of a tween or teen needs to hear to move from fear and confusion to clarity and action. ________________ Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens &…

Is your teen too obsessed with their girlfriend or boyfriend? Constant texting, ditching friends, and living on their phone. Perhaps you're watching them disappear into this relationship and you don't know what to do. If you're worried your teen's relationship is too intense and wondering how to talk to them about healthy balance without pushing them away, this episode is for you. Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan tackle a question from a mom whose high school son is texting his girlfriend 24/7, barely seeing his friends anymore, and disappearing onto what Lisa calls a "relationship island." Sound familiar? If you're wondering how to manage your teen's dating relationship without making things worse, or you're seeing your teen losing friends because of their relationship, this episode is for you. 💡 IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL DISCOVER: - Why today's teen relationships are more consuming than the ones we had - The real danger: Why teen isolation from friends is the biggest risk - Where you actually have power as a…

Is your teen’s snark just “normal attitude”… or could it be something more serious? If you’re walking on eggshells around a constantly irritable, sarcastic teenager and wondering whether this is just adolescence or a red flag not to ignore, you’re not alone. In this episode of Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens, Dr. Lisa Damour helps parents make sense of the exhausting, confusing reality of teen snark and explains when it may actually be a sign of depression that needs real attention. Drawing on decades of clinical experience working with adolescents and families, Dr. Lisa breaks down why depression often looks very different in teens than it does in adults, and how easy it is to miss when irritability gets written off as “typical teen behavior.” Alongside co-host Reena Ninan, she offers clear, grounded guidance for parents who are worried, worn down, and unsure what to do next. 💡 YOU’LL LEARN: - Why teen depression often shows up as snark, hostility, and irritability - How to tell the…

What would YOU do if you discovered your tween or teen was reading explicit fan fiction online? Today’s kids are often learning about sexuality through the internet, often long before parents realize it. How you respond can either shut down communication or open the door to thoughtful, values-based conversations that actually stick. In this episode of Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens, clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan tackle a question many parents are asking: Should we be worried about our kids reading explicit fan fiction? 💡 YOU’LL LEARN: - Why reading explicit fan fiction can be a common, developmentally typical form of exploration - How to talk with your teen about sexual content without shaming or lecturing - How to share your family’s values around healthy intimacy in ways teens can hear - When (and how) to set boundaries without damaging trust - The surprising upsides of fan fiction If you’re feeling confused, uneasy, or unsure about what your kid is…

What do you do when your tween or teen is convinced school doesn’t matter because they’re definitely going to be an influencer? If your child talks more about TikTok fame than homework, dismisses “real jobs,” or seems completely disengaged from school and real-world relationships, this episode is for you. Parents today are navigating brand-new territory, and it can feel scary, frustrating, and isolating when your kid’s ambitions seem disconnected from reality. In this episode of Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens, psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan respond to a parent letter about a tween absolutely convinced of their future influencer fame, while academic failure and emotional strain mount at home. They unpack what’s normal, what’s concerning, and how parents can respond without crushing their child’s dreams or losing their relationship. 💡 YOU’LL LEARN: - Why disengaging from school is a serious red flag- How brain development shapes tween and teen thinking about work,…

Is your teen pushing for another piercing? Are you feeling torn between setting limits and respecting their self-expression? In this episode of “Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens,” Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan take on a question sent directly from a 16-year-old listener: How many piercings should a teen be allowed to have? What starts as a question about jewelry opens up a much bigger conversation about boundaries, autonomy, culture, identity, and healthy parent-teen tension. Together, Lisa and Reena explore why piercings can matter so much to teens, why they can feel so unsettling to parents, and how families can move toward compromise without power struggles. 💡 YOU’LL LEARN: - How piercings function as self-expression and identity exploration during adolescence - How the location of a piercing can affect social and practical considerations - A powerful empathy-based exercise that helps parents and teens break through stalemates - When compromise makes sense… and when it doesn’t Whether…

Today’s teens often try to tackle their homework while fielding nonstop notifications, listening to music, and participating in group chats. Plenty of parents wonder if this is a fight worth having, or if this is just – as some teens say – “how kids study now.” In this episode of Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens, clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan unpack one of the most common (and maddening) modern parenting dilemmas: Can teens really focus while multitasking with technology? They explore why self-interruptions are just as disruptive as outside ones, when tech can actually help, and how parents can address distractions without turning homework time into a nightly power struggle. This episode helps parents balance empathy with expectations, even when their teen is already “doing well” on paper. 💡 YOU’LL LEARN: - Why multitasking slows learning, even for high-achieving teens - How study environments can impact focus - Simple, realistic tools that reduce conflict…

We all want for our kids to build a healthy relationship with food, but it’s not always clear how to make that happen. Special guest Dr. Reshma Shah offers a grounded, practical approach to navigating the common challenges parents face at mealtime. If you’re trying to guide your tween or teen toward healthier eating without power struggles, guilt, or the nightly “just take one bite!” battle, this episode is for you. In this episode of Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens, Lisa and Reena sit down with Dr. Shah to dig into what really works when it comes to helping kids eat well and feel good about food. Whether your child is picky, stressed about food, obsessed with protein, avoiding vegetables, or simply eating most of their meals away from home, this conversation offers a grounded, judgment-free roadmap for calmer mealtimes and healthier habits. 💡 YOU’LL LEARN: - Why modeling healthy eating matters far more than lecturing about it - How to use low-stress dinner table dynamics to boost kids’…

Are you worried about how your tween or teen will navigate an unpredictable future? With AI accelerating, the economy shifting, and the world feeling increasingly fragile, many parents are asking, “How do I prepare my child for what’s ahead?” In this New Year’s episode of Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens, Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan break down what kids actually need to thrive in 2026 and beyond. Drawing on psychology, developmental research, and decades of clinical experience, Lisa shares a powerful new framework to help kids grow into adaptable, ethical, and emotionally steady young adults, no matter what the future holds. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Dr. Lisa’s ACED framework for building lifelong resilience - What quality best predicts long-term adult wellbeing - Practical language you can use to help kids face frustration, setbacks, and ethical dilemmas If you’ve ever wondered how to raise a good human in chaotic times, you’re in the right place. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel…

Perhaps you’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, or stress… and your teen is now old enough to notice. But how much should you share? Parents want to be honest, yet may not want to needlessly burden their kids. Getting that balance right is tricky, and deeply important. In this encore episode of “Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens and Teens,” psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan explore how age-appropriate conversations about mental health can strengthen trust and deepen connection. They discuss if, when, and how to talk about your own challenges, how to keep the focus on your teen’s emotional needs, and ways to protect your own well-being in the process. Originally released in 2023, this episode remains essential listening for families navigating a world where conversations about mental health are now a common part of family life. 💡 YOU’LL LEARN: - When honesty helps, and when to hold back- How to talk about mental health in calm, age-appropriate ways- Why sharing your story can…

Your kid is technically an adult, but still looking for–or needing–parental guidance. And maybe you still have your own parents weighing in, too. Parenting through this “in-between” stage can be complicated: How much guidance is too much? When do you let go? How do you stay close without taking over? In this encore episode of “Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens and Teens,” psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan welcome Dr. Laurence Steinberg to discuss his book “You and Your Adult Child: How to Grow Together in Challenging Times.” Together they discuss how parents can make sense of the shifting roles that come with launching young adults while also managing relationships with aging parents. It’s a heartfelt, insightful look at what it means to be part of the “sandwich generation” today. 💡 YOU’LL LEARN: - How to balance support and independence as your child becomes an adult- When (and how) to offer financial help without overstepping- What to do when you’re worried about your adult…

Are you staring at your tween or teen’s holiday wish list wondering… is it okay to say NO? When every friend seems to be getting the “cool” brands, the pricey sneakers, or the latest tech, it can feel impossible to balance your family’s values with your child’s need to fit in. This episode helps you navigate that emotional middle ground with clarity, compassion, and practical tools you can actually use. Psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan unpack why kids get so fixated on certain gifts, what’s really driving the comparisons, and how parents can respond with empathy… without giving in to every request. Drawing on decades of clinical experience and relatable family stories, they offer strategies that help kids feel understood and help parents stay grounded in what matters most. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - How to talk with your tween or teen about brand pressure and fitting in - Ways to convey your family values without shaming or shutting your child down - Practical, meaningful ideas for cultivating…

Middle school can be rough—emotionally, socially, and developmentally. When teasing crosses the line into cruelty, it usually puts a dent in kids’ confidence and sense of belonging. In this episode, Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan unpack the complicated social dynamics of middle school, explain why meanness can become a source of power, and why empathy can be in short supply. Drawing from years of clinical experience, Dr. Lisa explains how bullying emerges, why even “good kids” sometimes join in, and what parents can do when their child is being targeted — or doing the targeting. 💡 YOU’LL LEARN: - Why middle school social insecurities can bring out the worst in kids - How and why boys weaponize words like “gay,” even in progressive communities - When (and how) to approach the school — and why restraint can sometimes help - How to support your child with empathy and validation, without rushing to “fix” it This episode will help you navigate one of parenting’s hardest moments–knowing that your child…

When parents divorce, how much say should a tween or teen have in deciding where they live, and how often they switch homes? Divorce is hard on everyone, but for kids it often comes with a lot of upheaval. In this episode, Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan unpack what divorced parents can do to minimize the emotional toll on their kids, ease the challenge of moving back-and-forth between homes, and create arrangements that grow with their child’s needs. Drawing on decades of clinical experience, Dr. Lisa helps parents understand the situation from their child’s perspective and offers compassionate, practical strategies to reduce conflict, simplify logistics, and strengthen co-parenting teamwork. 💡 YOU’LL LEARN: - Why divorce often leaves kids feeling like “a human ping-pong ball” - What an ideal post-divorce setup looks like (and why it’s rarely possible) - How visitation schedules can evolve as tweens mature and seek more independence - How the mindset shift from “ex” to “co-parent” helps everyone…